The Fear of the Harvest

I’m having a hard time writing anything because what is coming to mind is positive. We are celebrating things in my life: waking up consistently, the podcast going very well. My mornings and days are getting better. The fear is, if I say it or admit it, that I will become complacent and take mornings, days, and other things off. It is that illusion of progress versus growth. The fear I'll lose myself and go backwards—the fear of the cycle.

I know it's also the doubt that I am not allowed or worthy to self-celebrate. I have not achieved or reached anything that is worth celebrating. Why? Why can't I enjoy and be proud of what I am doing and how I'm growing without the self-judgment of it being for outward recognition of others? It is just me sitting here alone writing, and I still have these feelings.

Is it the fear that I’ll allow my ego to run with it and walk through my day looking to others through this lens, trying to act and show the part and not living it? Even now, my ego is causing resistance by trying to take my attention elsewhere. What must we do to be able to celebrate ourselves, our wins, and our growth without falling into the trap?

We can be proud of ourselves and continue to do the work and grow. No, I'm not where I want to be financially, and the ego beats me up on any sliver of lack it can find: women, work, or anything it knows I have in my mind that is vulnerable. It takes me to past insecurities that still have traction. The howl of breaking this is confronting it: being honest and admitting I see it, I feel it, I acknowledge it, and it has my attention.

All this is to get beyond it—to find the answer to heal that part of us. It is not a weakness. It is a fear that can be overcome. We are letting the ego know we are not giving in or giving up; we are here through it all.

Be who you truly are. Be who you are meant to be. Accept this for yourself. Find the acceptance from within you. Love you. Accept you. Find that and nothing or no one will have any power over you. You can simply move through life knowing you have you.

Allow your light to shine when it is true and authentically you. The world will see you. Those who can't see you need you the most to show them they are also capable and worthy of love and loving themselves as they truly are. Bring your gift to the light and show the world it is safe. You are safe. You are free. Live as you will and need. Your soul needs and craves this freedom. Your heart yearns for this love and acceptance.

It begins with you and ends with you. There is no greater gift, accomplishment, or gratification than self-love and acceptance. From there, you will see life. The beauty of living will shine. All good, all bad, all experiences will become a blessing and a teacher. Embrace it all. Life is the river that shapes you. Let it run through you and cut the path you are meant to follow.

Allow life. Allow yourself. Love all.

— Cory I love you all. Be blessed.