I reflect back to when I was 19 years old and I made the decision to go to treatment. I told my mom I needed a couple of weeks. Whether it was something deeper inside me saying I need to let go of people, or the fear of I'm changing — who am I going to be when I get out — I have no idea what the truth is behind that. Probably a combination of all of it. I'm getting emotional just saying it. Which tells me I'm talking about the right thing. Because that is very similar to righ

The candle burned out this week. I knew it was coming. I had been watching it every morning for thirteen days — one candle left from the last ceremony, burning down a little more each time I sat down to meditate. Every morning I would look at it and wonder: is today the day? And every morning it was still lit. Then one morning I opened my eyes and it was out.

Halfway home from something beautiful and dark, something came out of my mouth that I hadn't planned to say. I knew I needed to have a conversation with her. But about halfway home, something else came out. Something I hadn't planned.

The body knows before the mind does. This week I learned that in a way I will not forget. Not through a vision or a message or a ceremony. Through a taste. A foul taste coming out of my mouth during meditation — almost like a cleansing — my body registering something my mind had been managing for a long time.

There are people in your life who are owed an apology — and something else entirely. Something that sits on the other side of the amend, quieter than the apology and just as necessary. This week I found that other side.

A blood vessel popped in my left eye and I could barely see. That was how this week began. And in that limitation — unable to do what I normally do, unable to lean on what I normally lean on — something that had been underneath everything for a long time finally surfaced.

Not by me, through me. That line arrived at the end of a morning I had spent building the case for everything I had constructed. I did not fully understand it then. The week that followed was the answer.